Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Journey






Sometimes i think its nice to think back and look how you got to where you are. Starting with the advent of the personal computer i had to get one and then i discovered that connectivity was where it was at. i purchased a 300 baud modem and subscribed to Compuserve. Back then it cost me around $6.50 an hour for the service and $7.00 an hour for the connection. Thankfully they soon provided a local connection that cost 24 cents. i spent many hours wandering the maze of menus on the system and found special interest groups (SIGS). i then found that there was one dealing with human sexuality and from there subjects like exhibitionism, Female Domination, BDSM etc was discussed. For some reason many of these things turned me on to think about especially Female Domination.

Over time i found local BBSs that sometimes featured fetishes and chat boards where you could role play. i felt so turned on by the many hours doing this. One time i subscribed to a service called Larry Land and spent most of the time in the chat areas. i heard that you could be what you wanted to be on the internet so i decided to try being a Mistress. i called Her Mistress Dominana. i thought i really developed Her well and had several followers there until i had a female sub. i felt it was all role play and fun. Until one day.... The female sub asked my measurements and i gave them to her. She saw right through them and told me that bra sizes were never odd and i felt so humiliated. i even tried it again but it just didn't feel right. From then on i would be who i am and not pretend anything. If i was told to do something i would do it as real as possible.

Later i found out about the Internet Relay Chat and its great possibilities. i got on it and soon found an online Mistress whom i served for a year. At the year point i had to move to the area where i am now and really looked at myself. i really needed real life lifestyle experiences. i soon found a couple on Adult Friend Finders and moved in with them over a period of a month. i was first the Mistress's submissive and it soon became Her 24/7 slave. i was with them for about 6 months and then i moved out into my own apartment.

i joined our local BDSM support group and became very involved with it and made many friends. Through them i was introduced to a new Mistress who i served as Her submissive for about 1 1/2 years until She moved away. i was broken hearted but got more involved with the group as a committee member.

i soon found another Mistress who i served occasionally. i really wasn't happy with it all and focused on being a committee person until i found my new Mistress who i met four years ago tomorrow. Tomorrow is Her birthday. W/we met and went out for O/our first date on Her birthday. The following Valentine's day i proposed and W/we were married about a year later.
All this time i felt i was a male submissive. i felt a bit put off every time i read or heard that this or that Mistress expected Her male subs to be sissies, feminized, whatever. i thought, "Can't a male submissive be masculine?", etc.

i then started to examine myself more deeply. i discovered that throughout my life i really didn't have a "manly" way about me. Once when i was talking with Mistress at work and it dawned on both of U/us that i am really a sissy. i am more feminine in a lot of ways. i like to giggle. i like pretty things. i enjoy beautiful music. i have a more feminine body. i also felt it hot to hear emasculating things told to me. i then started identifying myself as a sissy girl.

Mistress wasn't so happy having a girl for a husband but as time went W/we met a bi-male submissive who played with U/us and helped around the house and with a lot of things. Eventually he moved in with U/us. Now Mistress feels that She prefers me as a girl and happy that She also has a boy. W/we live in a Female led relationship and as W/we were talking tonight i think W/we have the dynamics for quite a lifestyle.

i thought about writing about lifestyle vs cyber or lifestyles tonight but thought this appropriate for now :)
sissy girl